"1. You called me screaming today. You said you hated me and that I was selfish and you despise what I’ve become. That phone call broke my heart but, at least I got to hear your voice
2. You gave me my book back. You returned it in such pristine condition, I wish you could of treated my heart the same way.
3. I’m always going to agree with you, even if you were to let me drown, it would be ok, because it’s probably for the best
4. When I was walking home last week, I saw her in your car with you, holding your hand the same way I used to. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to jump in front of it and let it crush me.
5. I watched Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind for the first time since we watched it together on that cold January afternoon. You’ve managed to ruin everything in my life, even my favourite movie. You’re so horrible. Why do I want this so much. Why do I want you?
6. I keep finding reasons to not let go of you, they are all bullshit, just like every word you’ve ever said to me.
7. I still have that voicemail you left me from when we first started dating, I listen to it on the nights that I pop too many pills and wonder where we went wrong. I think about deleting it a lot, but that would mean deleting you from my heart and there is no way in hell I’m ready for that, what scares me is I’m not sure if I’ll ever be.
8. Just because we’re over it doesn’t mean my whole life is, it’s just the world hasn’t stopped spinning and neither has my head
9. You saw me take a drag on a cigarette yesterday, you looked at me like you were so disappointed. But you’ve been gone for a while now and it’s time I found something else to suck the life out of me.
10. My mouth hurts from all the times I’ve screamed your name in anger.
11. You keep finding ways to rip my heart out of my chest, even just with a fucking nod in the hallway.
12. I think your eyes are lava because every time you look at me I melt.
13. You should have a warning label plastered on you like they do with children’s toys. Because I fucking choked on you and everything you are and you’re still lodged in my throat I can’t stop coughing and gagging. I need air. I need love. I need you."
If I told you this, you probably wouldn’t even care